2016 Reflection

2016 was full of emotional toll-- self-analyzing, working hard, and growing relationships. But it was a year of freedom and one of the fun...

2016 was full of emotional toll-- self-analyzing, working hard, and growing relationships. But it was a year of freedom and one of the funnest years I've experienced.

At the beginning of the year, I started back at university and was finally able to get into the business program, the first point on my 10-year plan. I've been hitting the books and hope to see a degree this summer. Throughout all of 2016, I worked two
jobs while balancing a full-time education, and by April of that year, I had gained a spot interning for an event and wedding planning company (another goal on the 10-year plan!). The internship was an amazing experience. Every wedding I worked, I felt the genuine joy of seeing couples' dreams come true and the friends and family that came to support their happiness. I met and worked with sweet girls, slightly overcoming my fear of making new friends. But the internship also pushed me to limits I didn't even know I had. The work was tough and I was constantly questioning my abilities to do well, to think ahead and above boundaries, and just about my strength in general. To be honest, I had finally stuck my foot in the door of my dreams, and I became unsure if it was what I still wanted. I saw how hectic the industry was and felt my anxiety on edge every single time I had to be there. I'm still not sure if event planning and the like is what I want to pursue, but something tells me I will end up where I should be.


Speaking of friends, I'm so grateful to have my best girls by my side. In 2016, my friendships really blossomed and I can say I feel confident in the ones I keep close to me. I reconciled and reconnected with old friends, and I grew closer to "newer" friends. All of them show me what a blessing it is to have true friendships, and just people in general that are willing to care for you.


Both in April and November, I struggled with love. I couldn't understand how I could put my all into something, but wasn't enough to get the same in return. But both times, I realized I had been enough the entire time, because the only person I had to "be enough" for, was myself. In April, I really took a step back from just existing and asked myself: what's it going to take to make life worth it? What helped me cope was God and appreciation. I would constantly thank God for all that I was blessed with-- things, people, opportunities, self-characteristics. I didn't let negativity conquer my every move. I focused on my internship, my two jobs, and school. And just like that, I felt truly happy about myself. Time healed me, but in all actuality, it was my self-rediscovery and I've felt the results ever since. In November, I felt myself at a loss again, but I focused on myself and gave up on trying to constantly fix every little thing in life. I got out more and looked for help in others, and I stopped being afraid of standing up for myself.

Also in November, I took a trip to Salvation Mountain. The trip almost never happened, but I knew it was something I had to do and I wasn't going to let anything get in my way. It was a blessing to be in the presence of God's work and to feel that I was supposed to be there in that exact moment in time, in the midst of strengthening myself. During this month, I also turned 23, and I became a godmother!


But backtrack one month. Every part of courage I mustered up in November was a large outcome of what occurred in October. A coworker of mine, a friend if you will, passed away suddenly on her 21st birthday. She was closer to the girls at work more than me, and I felt guilt. I hated that I was so standoffish after hearing all the wonderful stories I heard about her life. Every friend and family member she had knew she was happy, kind, go-getting, and fearless. Fearless. I wanted to be that. Why was I wasting my life complaining about minuscule things when it could be taken any minute? Why did I let any little problem get in the way of goals and happiness? Why was I so afraid of being me and truly living? So I told myself not anymore. I wanted a life I could be proud of and I wanted to be able to look back and feel good about taking life by the reigns. Even more fitting, my godmother gave me a bracelet with the engraving, "Be fearless" for Christmas. I know who the message was really from.

Concerts were a huge thing for me in 2016. Every show I was able to get tickets to, I went! I saw Kanye West, Chance The Rapper, Selena Gomez, Iration, 311, Leon Bridges, and also went to the iHeartRadio Awards and MLB All-Star Game. I also met Lauren Conrad-- hello Girl Boss goals! Traveling was also a great part of this past year. I went to Arizona for spring break, took a family trip to Los Angeles, and Robert and I went to Santa Barbara, Big Sur, and San Francisco for the first time. In other highlights, I bought a new car, my dad bought a beautiful house, and my love is finally home for good.


Overall, I learned so much in 2016 and I hope I can remember to reflect on all that happened in order to keep creating a better path for myself.


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